Yarfeb is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, amazing octopus.

Yarfeb created dark energy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarfeb, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yarfeb, it will turn you into a tree.

Yarfeb's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Yarfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Yarfeb in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Learn nine new languages a year.