Dampoprak is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, benevolent finch.

Dampoprak created the planet Saturn five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dampoprak, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dampoprak, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Dampoprak's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Dampoprak's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Feed all hungry hamsters.

4. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

5. Never pour water over plants.