Nartwitcam is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, boastful duck.

Nartwitcam created a quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nartwitcam, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nartwitcam, he will be mildly annoyed.

Nartwitcam's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Nartwitcam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Always make sure there are no ducks in a building before entering it.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Never play with disobedient children.