Jabtinbiss is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, benevolent octopus.

Jabtinbiss created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabtinbiss, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Jabtinbiss, he will turn you into a plant.

Jabtinbiss' most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Jabtinbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never talk about fluid mechanics near dogs while wearing white jumpers.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.