Ciplatlip Gidfad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, astonishing jaguar.

Ciplatlip Gidfad created Mount Everest five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ciplatlip Gidfad, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ciplatlip Gidfad, he will turn you into a hamster.

Ciplatlip Gidfad's most sacred site is Úbeda in Spain.

Ciplatlip Gidfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in the presence of monkeys.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

5. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.