Vagfargep Botzansin is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, annoying dove.

Vagfargep Botzansin created a Higgs boson three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vagfargep Botzansin, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Vagfargep Botzansin, he will turn you into a mouse.

Vagfargep Botzansin's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Vagfargep Botzansin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Vagfargep Botzansin on top of all buildings.

3. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.