Hapkop Cudlintof is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, stupid goat.

Hapkop Cudlintof created the planet Jupiter four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapkop Cudlintof, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hapkop Cudlintof, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Hapkop Cudlintof's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Hapkop Cudlintof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear mauve clothing.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Put Hapkop Cudlintof first in all things.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near birds while wearing gray dresses.

5. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.