Witgesswig is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, contented octopus.

Witgesswig created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witgesswig, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Witgesswig, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Witgesswig's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Witgesswig's Holy Commandments

1. Witgesswig loves ants, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not take Witgesswig's name in vain.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never feed lots of strawberries to geese while wearing turquoise shoes.