Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, kind turtle.

Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan, he will ignore you.

Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Bellquartcaddissrullquagvan.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

5. Do not dye your hair blue.