Narlpitbiss is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, clever cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Narlpitbiss created the planet Jupiter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Narlpitbiss, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Narlpitbiss, he will torture you forever.

Narlpitbiss' most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Narlpitbiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear iron on your body.

2. Never run near eagles.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Narlpitbiss.

4. Retreat if three seals approach from the east.

5. Erect seven silver sculptures of Narlpitbiss on top of important buildings.