Tettiyimcepfarbeg is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering raccoon.

Tettiyimcepfarbeg created Europe nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettiyimcepfarbeg, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tettiyimcepfarbeg, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tettiyimcepfarbeg's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Tettiyimcepfarbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tortoises.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Always treat porpoises with great respect.

5. Worship no other gods but Tettiyimcepfarbeg.