Mumquamlak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, egotistical squid.

Mumquamlak created Africa four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Mumquamlak, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Mumquamlak, she will laugh at you.

Mumquamlak's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Mumquamlak's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at planets.

2. Never talk about dark energy near ducks while wearing violet dresses.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Never eat gooseberries.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.