Jablaptip Mitzakdon is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, temperamental tortoise.

Jablaptip Mitzakdon created Mount Everest four years ago.

If you believe in Jablaptip Mitzakdon, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jablaptip Mitzakdon, it will ignore you.

Jablaptip Mitzakdon's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Jablaptip Mitzakdon's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Jablaptip Mitzakdon four times a day.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Do not take Jablaptip Mitzakdon's name in vain.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never think about dark matter.