Tagbimwit is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, overgenerous walrus.

Tagbimwit created the Cigar Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tagbimwit, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tagbimwit, she will turn you into a rock.

Tagbimwit's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Tagbimwit's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Erect six nickel sculptures of Tagbimwit on top of important buildings.

4. Hide from pink frogs for they are unholy.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.