Batbinquaf is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, uncaring finch.

Batbinquaf created energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Batbinquaf, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Batbinquaf, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Batbinquaf's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Batbinquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

2. Do not dye your hair yellow.

3. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Batbinquaf in the centre of the settlement.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.