Nartjarncut is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, compassionate rhinoceros.

Nartjarncut created bats seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartjarncut, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nartjarncut, she will destroy your home solar system.

Nartjarncut's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Nartjarncut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick badgers.

2. Always look after injured shrews.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. You must love Nartjarncut.

5. Never talk about optics near grasshopers while wearing red shorts.