Fatlophug is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, astonishing seal.

Fatlophug created the Small Magellanic Cloud five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatlophug, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fatlophug, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Fatlophug's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Fatlophug's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always obey Fatlophug's priests.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Worship no other gods but Fatlophug.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.