Ortkemflag is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, selfish swallow.

Ortkemflag created everything that exists three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortkemflag, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ortkemflag, it will turn you into a hamster.

Ortkemflag's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Ortkemflag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never wear green coats.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.