Begdagtaf Venkopkon is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, uncaring zebra.

Begdagtaf Venkopkon created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begdagtaf Venkopkon, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Begdagtaf Venkopkon, he will torture you forever.

Begdagtaf Venkopkon's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Begdagtaf Venkopkon's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to aardvarks while wearing hats.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. You must pray to Begdagtaf Venkopkon four times a day.

4. Never think about ultrasonics near nematodes while wearing indigo shoes and balancing five silicon spheres on your head.

5. Always treat voles with great respect.