Yakquartzimwitsog is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, dishonest owl.

Yakquartzimwitsog created light two million years ago.

If you believe in Yakquartzimwitsog, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Yakquartzimwitsog, it will throw large rocks at you.

Yakquartzimwitsog's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Yakquartzimwitsog's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Worship no other gods but Yakquartzimwitsog.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Feed all hungry grasshopers.