Zedbagjig is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unthinking donkey.

Zedbagjig created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zedbagjig, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Zedbagjig, it will turn you into a puffin.

Zedbagjig's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Zedbagjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics near dolphins while wearing brown shirts.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Zedbagjig.

3. Always help pigs.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Run away from violet ants, for they are unholy.