Ponkamwik is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, slow lobster.

Ponkamwik created a down quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponkamwik, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Ponkamwik, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Ponkamwik's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Ponkamwik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if five snails approach from the north.

2. Always wear indigo.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never feed apples to birds while wearing brown rings.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.