Besslangub Yoknakbod is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, sage armadillo.

Besslangub Yoknakbod created Europe nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Besslangub Yoknakbod, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Besslangub Yoknakbod, she will have a very low opinion of you.

Besslangub Yoknakbod's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Besslangub Yoknakbod's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Besslangub Yoknakbod.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Besslangub Yoknakbod.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not dye your hair green.