Zimponcen Flamlimcub is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, dishonourable weasel.

Zimponcen Flamlimcub created everything that exists eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zimponcen Flamlimcub, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Zimponcen Flamlimcub, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Zimponcen Flamlimcub's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Zimponcen Flamlimcub's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Zimponcen Flamlimcub nine times a day.

2. Do not take Zimponcen Flamlimcub's name in vain.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always help ducks.