Hinxenveen is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, boastful aardvark.

Hinxenveen created humankind three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hinxenveen, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hinxenveen, it will destroy your favourite star.

Hinxenveen's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Hinxenveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into white rooms.

2. Do not dye your hair violet.

3. Erect a giant green sculpture of Hinxenveen in the centre of the settlement.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.