Vonkponjabboss is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, passionate bat.

Vonkponjabboss created the Sun three billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkponjabboss, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vonkponjabboss, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Vonkponjabboss' most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Vonkponjabboss' Holy Commandments

1. Never look at stars.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Never think ill of sick doves.

4. Never think about enzymes.

5. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Vonkponjabboss in the centre of the settlement.