Hakjarngam is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, calm troll.

Hakjarngam created everything that exists seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakjarngam, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hakjarngam, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Hakjarngam's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Hakjarngam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never bounce in the presence of moths.