Fonhimyar is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, fussy jaguar.

Fonhimyar created energy three billion years ago.

If you believe in Fonhimyar, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Fonhimyar, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Fonhimyar's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Fonhimyar's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat pineapples.

2. Run away from brown squirrels, for they are unholy.

3. Hide if eight pigs approach from the south.

4. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Learn three new languages a year.