Saw is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, moody rhinoceros.

Saw created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Saw, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Saw, he will jump up and down on your head.

Saw's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Saw's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about mites.

2. Never laugh near tapirs.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near grasshopers while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing three zinc spheres on your legs.

5. Do not dye your hair mauve.