Ontquagveen is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witty turtle.

Ontquagveen created the Large Magellanic Cloud three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ontquagveen, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ontquagveen, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Ontquagveen's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Ontquagveen's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat geese with great respect.

2. Erect five silicon sculptures of Ontquagveen on top of important buildings.

3. Always wear pink.

4. Never think about special relativity near otters while wearing blue corsets and balancing four aluminium spheres on your arms.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Ontquagveen.