Bepmilyak is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, awesome armadillo.

Bepmilyak created snails two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bepmilyak, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Bepmilyak, she will have a low opinion of you.

Bepmilyak's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Bepmilyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about spacetime near dogs while wearing magenta tights.

2. Feed all hungry badgers.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. You must never eat melons.

5. Never look in ponds.