Lagnutbonkquilltig is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, narcissistic rat.

Lagnutbonkquilltig created the Sombrero Galaxy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagnutbonkquilltig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Lagnutbonkquilltig, he will send minions to preach to you.

Lagnutbonkquilltig's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Lagnutbonkquilltig's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Put Lagnutbonkquilltig first in all things.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

5. Do not take Lagnutbonkquilltig's name in vain.