Stafbadpagditpadkopkikvog is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, uncaring tapir.

Stafbadpagditpadkopkikvog created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Stafbadpagditpadkopkikvog, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Stafbadpagditpadkopkikvog, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Stafbadpagditpadkopkikvog's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Stafbadpagditpadkopkikvog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from gray whales, for they are unholy.

2. Retreat if nine porpoises approach from the north.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Do not cook food in pots.