Applik Catmadteen Gubcepken is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, caring turtle.

Applik Catmadteen Gubcepken created light four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Applik Catmadteen Gubcepken, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Applik Catmadteen Gubcepken, she will turn you into a worm.

Applik Catmadteen Gubcepken's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Applik Catmadteen Gubcepken's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Never bounce in the presence of tapirs.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never wear green shoes.