Talbotcar is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, self-assured jackal.

Talbotcar created gold three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talbotcar, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Talbotcar, he will torture you forever.

Talbotcar's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Talbotcar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.

2. Put Talbotcar first in all things.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.