Somfenlad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, benevolent cobra.

Somfenlad created the planet Earth five billion years ago.

If you believe in Somfenlad, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Somfenlad, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Somfenlad's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Somfenlad's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about dark energy near geese while wearing cyan scarves.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. You must love Somfenlad.

5. Never play with disobedient children.