Jonpasnuttpakcudmon Poncimmip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, compassionate dingo.

Jonpasnuttpakcudmon Poncimmip created snails seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jonpasnuttpakcudmon Poncimmip, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Jonpasnuttpakcudmon Poncimmip, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Jonpasnuttpakcudmon Poncimmip's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Jonpasnuttpakcudmon Poncimmip's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear boots marked with indigo.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in black.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never travel toward the east during summer.