Cetditkab Afgemvancud is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, omniscient tapir.

Cetditkab Afgemvancud created Africa three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cetditkab Afgemvancud, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cetditkab Afgemvancud, he will turn you into a puffin.

Cetditkab Afgemvancud's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Cetditkab Afgemvancud's Holy Commandments

1. Always act with purity when addressing elders.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always wash your back before prayer.

4. Heed all signs.

5. Never bounce in autumn.