Carmetxuc is a god.

It takes the form of a large, pitiless meerkat.

Carmetxuc created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Carmetxuc, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Carmetxuc, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Carmetxuc's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Carmetxuc's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the east.

2. Carmetxuc must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Carmetxuc in the centre of the settlement.