Quillarnven is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, dishonourable wombat.

Quillarnven created the Sun two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillarnven, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quillarnven, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Quillarnven's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Quillarnven's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Hide from violet mites for they are unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Quillarnven.

4. Learn four new languages a year.

5. Do not commit murder.