Tifortxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a large, humane horse.

Tifortxuck created the planet Earth nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tifortxuck, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tifortxuck, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Tifortxuck's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Tifortxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Always look after injured capybaras.

3. Never feed garlic to monkeys while wearing white jumpers.

4. Hide if eight shrews approach from the east.

5. Never feed tomatoes to sharks while wearing rings.