Batvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, humane dingo.

Batvonk created the universe nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batvonk, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Batvonk, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Batvonk's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Batvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Draw representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never think about electromagnetism.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate sharks.

5. Always take life seriously.