Kinpibbag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, uncaring jackal.

Kinpibbag created an up quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Kinpibbag, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Kinpibbag, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kinpibbag's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Kinpibbag's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Run away if seven badgers approach from the north.

3. Run away from magenta dolphins, for they are unholy.

4. Never eat bananas.

5. Retreat if four shrews approach from the east.