Gomtikbag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, clever giraffe.

Gomtikbag created dark energy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gomtikbag, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Gomtikbag, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Gomtikbag's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Gomtikbag's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from red rats, for they are unholy.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Run away if four frogs approach from the east.

5. Never eat tomatoes.