Tamlabquam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, thoughtless porpoise.

Tamlabquam created an atom four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tamlabquam, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tamlabquam, he will think nothing of it.

Tamlabquam's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Tamlabquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green skirts.

2. Never talk about enzymes.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Do not shave your face.

5. You must never eat turnips.