Lamhotstaf is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, all-knowing capybara.

Lamhotstaf created oxygen two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lamhotstaf, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Lamhotstaf, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Lamhotstaf's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Lamhotstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain jumpers during rituals.

2. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never mix strawberries with ash.

5. Do not resist chaos.