Dumquatlop is a god.

He takes the form of a small, capable wasp.

Dumquatlop created Europe three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumquatlop, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Dumquatlop, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Dumquatlop's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dumquatlop's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Never feed oranges to swans while wearing green tights.

3. Never hurt grasshopers.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Dumquatlop.

5. You must pray to Dumquatlop nine times a day.