Xucksugjencarzantad Bossatkom is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, awesome hamster.

Xucksugjencarzantad Bossatkom created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xucksugjencarzantad Bossatkom, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Xucksugjencarzantad Bossatkom, she will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Xucksugjencarzantad Bossatkom's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Xucksugjencarzantad Bossatkom's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

2. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of iron.

5. Never talk about quantum mechanics near turtles while wearing fawn stockings.