Haptalyimpoghugbennan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, strong bear.

Haptalyimpoghugbennan created the Virgo Supercluster four million years ago.

If you believe in Haptalyimpoghugbennan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Haptalyimpoghugbennan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Haptalyimpoghugbennan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Haptalyimpoghugbennan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt grasshopers.

2. Haptalyimpoghugbennan loves capybaras, so they must be honoured.

3. Never sprint in holy places.

4. Never talk about bacteria.

5. Frogs are unholy and should not be approached.