Kaplamfly is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, loving sheep.

Kaplamfly created snails four years ago.

If you believe in Kaplamfly, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Kaplamfly, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Kaplamfly's most sacred site is Inshas in Egypt.

Kaplamfly's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near snails while wearing brown shoes and balancing three lead spheres on your legs.

2. Put Kaplamfly first in all things.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Pray towards the east.

5. Never think about galaxies.